What It Feels Like to Be in a Fresh, Healthy Relationship After a Traumatizing One
"I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break, burn, and end… but on a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again."
That song was playing right when I started writing this. And honestly, if you told me two years ago that I’d fall in love again, I wouldn’t have believed you. How could I even be in a relationship again? I thought I’d be mourning that one forever. I truly believed I didn’t deserve love anymore. So what changed? Back then, I was lost. Everything felt ugly and heavy—like the world was ending. (And yes, for a moment, it did feel like the world ended) But one thing I’ve always known, even as a little kid: anything that dies eventually rebirths. And just like that, the universe inside me created a new world after the old one collapsed. A world that feels fresh. Gentle. Safe.
With him, I don’t feel the constant pressure anymore. He knows how to ease my mind, how to make me feel safe without even trying. When I’m with him, I feel peace I didn’t know was possible. It's so calm… so soft. Slowly, I began to realize: maybe I am easy to love. Maybe all this time, it was just my thoughts lying to me. Communicating with him is so natural. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “Maybe I’m not overreacting. Maybe it’s really okay to feel what I feel.” Trusting again isn’t easy. It still scares me. Some days I panic, terrified that the past will repeat itself. But he reassures me, over and over, in small ways and big ones, that everything’s okay, and he always proves it. Every time.
Being with him makes me feel like I deserve love. I deserve to be celebrated. I deserve to be seen. And most importantly, I realized something beautiful: The love I’ve found again didn’t just come from him, it came from me, too. So even if it ever breaks again, I know I’ll find that love again… because now, I know it lives in me. And for now, in this new beginning, I feel endlessly grateful to share it with someone who holds my heart so gently.
.
